Children of the Living Dead (2001) is the most retarded movie I have ever seen in my entire life. That is all. Kirk out.

Any theories thus far? Oh, I know... how about a flashback? This guy will have done 20 years worth of shit in the few months between his cancer diagnosis and death, or however long that was.

Also, what's the verdict on that last entry, Spiral? More of the same?

Karen Black leads a satanic cult of sexy chicks in some psycho house in the middle of nowhere. She grinds up hapless travelers into meat pies to sell to people. People like the sheriff, Pat Morita. Mister Miyagi himself, but with a very Americanized accent, which is plenty amusing in itself.

There are hotties in this movie, but as far as my weary eyes could figure, none of them got naked, which is fucking stupid. I wanted to see these women nude. But the opening scene is plenty amusing. It invo... Continue »

I've avoided this one for a while because I heard it was shit. Then, I began to realize that I like shitty things. Furthermore, I don't even like the other sequels in this series, so there's no real hype to live up to. This is a Canadian made-for-tv 90s movie, after all. There's no way this could be good.

Co-directed by H5's Dominique Othenin-Girard, this movie is bound to feel weird. The new demon spawn is a little girl this time, and it's easy to draw parallels to the Bad Seed. Our pen... Continue »

Directed by Debi Sue Voorhees of F13-5 fame, this movie is about an obsessive fan who targets the ladies of the F13 movies. It's a total fan film, so the production values are pretty low. It's made on decent equipment, but it still comes off as amateur and uninteresting.

For some reason, Dee Wallace is the main character, even though she wasn't in any F13 movie, but they try to pretend that she was? I'm not sure on her connection because I zoned out a few times. I guess she's pals with the dire... Continue »

If you're interested in the Amityville horror story of George and Kathy Lutz, here's a documentary from the perspective of their son Daniel Lutz. There's a lot of debate of whether it's real or not, and this documentary doesn't push us any closer to the truth. It shows us that Daniel has never truly gotten over the experience, and he firmly believes in the weird happenings.

In addition to his firm belief in the paranormal presence, there's also a lot of shade thrown at George Lutz, ego-centric... Continue »

A Tubi original! That ought to tell you enough, but I'll ramble anyway. It's almost a beat-for-beat remake of the 1980 film, so one might ask the valid question, "Why bother?"

One (in)significant change was setting it on Halloween instead of New Years Eve. That allows the costume party to make more sense, even though I never really questioned it in the original. New Years was simply another holiday to exploit, and the swip-swap makes no real difference.

If everything is the same as the... Continue »

This is the SPOILER thread. There are SPOILERS in this thread, because it is the SPOILER thread. Continue »

More animal horror. Yeah, bugs count when there are a bunch of them, and there are a bunch of screaming worms with sharp teeth. Already, the movie sounds stupid as hell, right? Well, it's actually surprisingly watchable.

After a major storm in Georgia, the worms are squirming amok. Some nerd visits from NY and finds out firsthand how dangerous a worm can be when provoked. Throw in a skeptical sheriff, an irritable retarded handyman, and a few piles of bones and there's a story in there somewher... Continue »

This one is usually regarded as a "classic", but not by anyone with high standards. It's a rip-off of both Black Christmas and Halloween, and starts off promising with some nice atmosphere and a bleak intro, but after that? Charles Durning hunts for the escaped guy, and our opening lead actress disappears for most of the movie.

The movie focuses some on mental illness, but the killer is still a tool. Not very frightening to the hardened viewer. I feel like the movie was conceived around... Continue »

This movie is gay. Take that both ways. Literally and figuratively, I mean. It's at a conversion camp run by Kevin Bacon, and a bunch of LGBT garbage happens. And barely any of those fuckers get killed. Instead, most of the kills are of the staff members. I guess they thought people would be offended if too many gay people got killed in one movie? I know I wouldn't get offended. I'd find it hilarious.

There isn't much horror here, but there is My Girl Anna Chlumsky. Kevin Bacon do... Continue »

This is a decent little movie by Scott Derrickson and Joe Hill. I say "little" because the scope of the movie seems very small. Sure, it deals with children, who are small, but it's also in a small town where people can go missing as often as they do and nobody can do anything about it. But don't get me wrong, they are little, and that's why the grabber wants them.

It's mostly through the children's perspectives, and they do a decent job. Plus, these kids are beating the shit out... Continue »

This movie is different. Very fucking different. The teases likened the movie to Christine, which is a very valid comparison. I'd call this movie more of a psychological-drama/romance than straight-up horror. If you're expecting another Myers' rampage, you wont find it here.

Instead, what we're given is an interesting deviation to the normal Haddonfield formula. We get to see a different side to the town for a change. When they're not getting killed on Halloween night, they actually go t... Continue »

In the forests of Maine, something is terrorizing the locals. It even kills a dog right off the bat, and those animal killings often hit harder than human killings. Stupid humans... but yeah, it's killing them, and it's an asshole and whatnot.

It's a good cast here, featuring Talia Shire and Armand Assante, who funny enough often played Stallone's brother. There's some environmental junk to the plot, but that's to be expected in the animal horror genre, as I've been finding out. Try to guilt th... Continue »

On the topic of killer animal movies, here's one from the good ol' 1970s about a group of hikers getting lost in the midst of some environmental propaganda. The animals are on the fritz, and they blame the depletion of the ozone layer. I'm not sure if there's any science behind any of it, but whatever. What's the worst that could happen on a friendly nature hike?

When someone goes into the woods in a horror film, you should have a pretty good idea of how things can go wrong. Our group of hikers... Continue »

Box, I'm sorry to put you in the position of having to decide whether to tolerate a post about Jersey Boys on/in this forum. But, I just had a funny idea, and didn't know where to post it... anyway, for anyone who hasn't seen it, Jersey Boys is a movie about the musical group The Four Seasons. I just saw it for the first time a few months ago, and I like it a lot.

I just wanted to say, there's a scene where they show one of the group members (who was the main songwriter of their songs),... Continue »

List your 3 favorite horror films from the year you're born.

The Wicker Man
The Exorcist
Messiah of Evil

Grizzly is pretty boring. They don't show much of the bear, but he's a lot of fun when he gets there. He kills the shit out of those people, and for no reason. He's just an asshole.

I loved the scene where the bear was shaking down the tower. They probably reused the same footage of him in all those shots, because he kept shaking that load-bearing plank over and over again in the same way. Points for this movie having the balls to kill people. I'm pretty sure I remember them killing a kid, so... Continue »

Happy October, jerks. It's that wonderful time of the year where horror is suddenly "hip" again, and everyone can act creepy or slutty and it's no big deal. October is a month for misfits, and that's why we need it!

It is cool to see a few come back for the challenge. It's a very personal challenge that isn't competitive. Only competitive against oneself. Sure, you could log your list anywhere, but you chose to log it on a website about trash. I love that.


I have a few streaming servicve... Continue »

When you take an ordinary show and give it a macabre Halloween-centric episode, the showrunners have chance to let out their horror influences. Everyone loves a good ghost story, or anything considered even remotely spooky sprinkled into the otherwise mundane sitcoms that we're forcefed.

Here are a few thoughts on some Halloween Specials.



The Simpsons' Tree House of Horror - This is a gimmick that started in season 2. Every Treehouse segment was an anthology, and the early ones... Continue »

Points for weirdness. It opens with a little girl getting possessed after walking into a creepy and weirdly-lit mausoleum. Years later, she seems to be living a normal life, but she has these spells, and well... take a guess what happens.

The plot isn't important. The movie almost feels like an Italian flick, and I wonder why...

It was produced by the "Yuppie Don" Michael Franzese, former capo of the Colombo crime family. It was allegedly a form of money laundering. Wether it was a passi

... Continue »

The last few entries put in exactly zero effort to make a passable movie, so the bar for this franchise is pretty fucking low. Dimension Films were shitting out sequels in order to retain the rights, but somehow, Hulu got involved, and decided to put in some actual effort for a change. What a concept!

It's not a sequel, but it's not a remake. It bears little in common with the original and is a fairly unique story among the series. Nobody escapes hell and craves blood to regrow their flesh in t... Continue »

Overall fun movie. The alternate title "Phantom of the Cinema" seems more precise, but I guess there is popcorn in this movie. It isn't killer popcorn like in Killer Klowns though. Just regular popcorn.

The plot is centered around a few gimmicky horror screenings. Boy, I tell you h'what, I've never seen a packed theater having a blast throwing shit around and partying like I've seen in movies. I like the idea of soaking in the audience reactions, but at the same time, I hate it when I'm... Continue »

Aka "House 3", despite having nothing to do with the House movies. The house in this movie is hardly a character, but to yoink from imdb:

According to Sean S. Cunningham, the film was going to be named 'House III', but the new distributor, MGM, wanted a fresh start with potential new series with a new iconic villain, so the script was modified to reflect the new approach, and it was re-titled "The Horror Show" for the US theatrical release, while the title "House III" was maintained for

... Continue »

Just a quick thought here. I am watching Halloween H20 right now, and I'm wondering if the Jeepers Creepers writers and production people stole the idea for the Creeper's truck from H:H20. In H:H20, MM steals two vehicles. First, a regular car, from the nurse from the original H movie, who he kills in the first few minutes in the 1998 movie. Second, he steals an old... I don't know what to call it, an old farm truck maybe? The vehicle he steals from the cute 90s mom and her little girl, who... Continue »