Horoscopes
Updated Mar 3
| â | Aquarius | You'll have plenty of time to be living in a van down by the river... when you're living in a van down by the river. |
| â | Pisces | On your next transaction, overpay by a single penny and tell the cashier to keep the change. Then base your daily outlook on their reaction. |
| â | Aries | When someone asks you if you're a god, you say 'YES'! |
| â | Taurus | Good things come to those at the gate. |
| â | Gemini | Don't judge a cover of a book by its look. |
| â | Cancer | What comes around is all around. |
| â | Leo | Hey, @! Get your ass away from there! |
| â | Virgo | If someone tries to be friendly with you today, don't trust them! They're on to something... |
| â | Libra | Call Professor Stokes. If anyone can find out anything, he can. |
| â | Scorpio | If you feel fat, then exercise already. |
| â | Sagittarius | Beauty is in the eye when you hold her. |
| â | Capricorn | Let's go sexin'! |